I'm sitting at a bar alone trying to drown my thoughts and I can't. They keep going back to them. What are they doing? What are they talking about? It's been almost 4 fucking hours for god sake! I have reached out to everyone I know to try and find something some sorta comfort. I can't. This is my husband. I treasure him. I love him so much. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. He makes me feel like no one ever has. Yes he fucks up. So do I. But I want him. I only want him. I want my husband home with me. I need him in Cali. I need him with me. I need him to make me whole. I don't know what to do right now. I want to call him screaming!! Ugh I hope he ends this date soon. I can't stand this. I feel like a failure as a wife. Wtf was I thinking! Thinking this was a good idea?!? I can't do this! After this it's done. I can't.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
He handled this much better than I am. I want to call screaming to stop. I can't do this!!! I love my husband so much the thought of him touching another woman makes me sick. I want to vomit. I have cried today I have screamed I have lashed out at people who didn't deserve it. I feel like a fucked up person. I don't know if I can do this. But I feel it's only fair since he has let me the past six months. I need to let him. At least once.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
He held the door for me as we stepped into his hotel room... Nothing extravagant. My hubby and I have stayed here before.
There were two beds. One with his bag, jacket and stuff on. The other turned down with his red pillow from home on it. I'm not sure if it was turned down for us, or turned down because if I didn't show he would be crawling in to it drunk and alone. The room smelled of his cologne, I thought to myself I need to find out what he wears.
I kicked off my flips flops, as I turned around he was doing the same. He smiled and walked toward me, as he reached out he pulled me in close for a long deep kiss wrapping his arms around me. If my pussy wasn't dripping from lust and excitement before it was now. He pulled back and motioned toward the bed. I crawled up on it laying backwards with my feet toward the headboard. He crawled up on top of me. I was amazed how small I felt under him. I am not a small woman by any means. I clock in at just over 300 pounds. But under him I felt tiny, it was amazing.
We layed and kisses for a bit touching and feeling one another. The lust grew as we laid there. In a swift motion he was raised up and smiling at me as he fidgeted with my pants. Leaning down kissing me as he grew frustrated with the buttons. Haha note to self. Careful in choosing clothes for dates. Makes sure they are easy off for your partner. We laughed and he asked if they was button fly. I said no just two buttons, I offered to help him but he declined. He got them unbutton and zipped. He crawled down between my legs and with a slight lift of my hips he had my jeans off. He smiled at the red panties I picked for him. His favorite color after all is red. I told him, "You better feel special I don't normally wear panties." A spark of interest egnited on his face. He said "you don't!?" "Nope!" I replied and he have out a moan he leaned down placing a soft kiss on my tummy and in no time he had my panties off. As he pulled them off he stood and sniffed them while staring at me with this fire in his eyes, it made me melt. I wanted to beg him to fuck me at that moment. He walked to the foot of the bed leaning down he kissed me a a grabbed the bottom of my shirt pulling it up and off over my head. He reached down and grabbed my breasts like he has never seen tits before. He kneeded them and kissed my chest. He tried to pull one of my DDD's out but could only get the nipple. He kissed and sucked on it for a brief moment as to say hello. I sat up so he could unhook a a remove my bra. Once my bra was off he looked like a little kid in a candy store. I mean yea they are DDD's but his wives are j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶,no better than mine. She has had implants. And mine are as droopy as a wet noodle. But at that moment it was a play ground for him. He lean down and cupped one in his hand and sucked, licked and bit my nipple as he groaned with pleasure. He asked me if he was to roughy or if I liked it rough, something along those lines. I was so in exstasy I'm not sure. I responded with I don't mind rough. He went back to sucking an nibbling, he never got rough though. I know it's something his wife likes, but that he really only is in to for her sake. He moved up beside me kissing me again and then moved down between my legs, he kissed my thighs as he looked up at me. Then in a second I felt his lips press against my clit as he took his first taste of the night. He slid a finger inside of me and with a come here motion, and the skill of his mouth I was cumming in no time. I bucked my hips to meet his mouth as he moaned around my clit. He leaned back on his feet and slid another finger in and worked my pussy till I almost squirted. He pulled his fingers and and slide the palm of his hand back and across my pussy and clit. I was soaking wet, maybe I did squirt a little? He smiled and moved up I pulled his shirt off and exposed his upper body. Holy fuck! His body was better looking in person!! He has tats that cover his arms. Arms that are big and muscular, a defined chest but not so big that it was out of my taste. I kissed his chest and moved over to one of his nipples. Mmm periced. It was a odd sensation since I don't like metal in my mouth really. A fork across my teeth makes me gag. But this.. This was very different. I licked, sucked and tugged on his bars. Flicking my togune over his nipple feeling the jewelry underneither. He is very vocal,like he expressed to me in text. He moaned out with pleasure and pulled away kissing me again. He stood looking at me layed out across the bed naked and wanting his cock. He slid his pants off freeing himself. I sat up and moved so he could lay down. Laying with his back on the headboard I slid between his legs, pulling the hair tie from my wrist and making a quick messy half pony tail. I leaned down and nuzzled his balls with my nose, I kissed and licked them. He moaned and told me how he had shaved for me. I smiled as I took his soft flesh into my mouth as I nibbled. He reached down grabbing at my hair that was pulled up. He grabbed it with both hands. With his sack firmly between my teeth I looked at him. His eyes was dark with passion a a he told me to bite harder. I did while watching his face. He leaned his head back against the headboard and moaned closing his eyes. I slowly released and moved up licking the side of his cock, Gripping his base with one hand, he was nice cut, firm, not to thick or to big. I worked my way up and took him in my mouth. He moaned out how good my wet mouth felt. He reached over and grabbed my phone so he could take photos for my husband. I lost tracked of what he was doing and worked on his cock. I love giving head. I love hearing the pleasure my partner gets from it. I licked and sucked his cock as he told me how I sucked like a champ and how good my mouth felt. The next line from his mouth made me giggle inside as it was unexpected, "Thank you Bob!" He was addressing my husband on video! It was then I realized he wasn't taking photos. He was recording me sucking his cock for my husband. I looked up in to the camera looking at my husband knowing he will love this video. I sucked his cock teasing and tasting his precum. I toyed with the head lapping his slit an sliding my togune in a bit. He tossed the phone aside and reached down for me. I slid up next to him kissing him as our togunes roamed each other's mouths with the taste of him lingering in mine. He moved and grabbed a condom sliding it on he was back on top of me. Sliding his cock in deep I gasped and moaned out. My pussy twitched with his cock filling me up. He begain to move. Slowly sliding in and out. Leaning down his body englufed mine he begain kissing me again. More aggressive, sucking and biting on my lips. His mouth covered mine. I know a few ex's who could get tips on how to kiss from this man. Again I reminded myself to thank my husband for lifting this rule. He sat back up grabbing my hips he pulled me down closer to him. It caught me off guard that he was able to do that, like I said I'm not a small women. With me closer he held my legs up as he thrusted deeper in me. With in seconds I started cumming. My cunt spasm'ing around him. He leaned back and with one final thrust he moaned out in his own release.
We were across from one another he sat in the floor naked, me laying on the bed facing him on my tummy, a odd comfortableness between us. We talked about how we got here in this lifestyle, our families, spouses and randomness. He rub his thumb across my knuckles, as like a aftercare treatment to make sure I was ok. That was the only touching that was happening as he rambled on. His rambling reminded me of my husband. :) I enjoyed listening to his stories. Once in a while he would lean over and kissed me again as reassurance that this was fun and ok.
After about an hour maybe? He stood up and got a drink and walked back to the edge of the bed. As he got close enough I leaned over and licked at his cock again it stood at attention. He smiled and crawled up on the bed with me, him between my legs. He leaned down his arms beside me laying his head underneith my breasts on my belly. He squeezed tight holding me like a pillow. He laid there for so long I thought he might fall asleep. I reached down a a ran my fingers though his short blonde hair. He looked up at me and smiled kissing my belly over and over. It was a odd but comforting sensation as my husband is the only one who has ever done that. He rolled off of me and squirmed up beside me kissing me again, reached over and rubbed his thumb against my cheek and told me how beauitful I was.
Much of the night was a blur of licking, sucking, orgasms and chatter between us. Before we knew it, we both were yawning and it was after midnight. We agreed that we would like to do this again, and we would speak with our spouses and get the ok. I gathered up my clothes and got partly dressed, not bothering to put back on my bra or panties. He slipped on his jeans and flip flops and walked me to my car. I opened the car tossing my things in the seat. We kissed a few more times, as I ran my hands across his arms and back. I climbed in to my car as he walked away. I pulled out my phone and hit my husbands number. I backed out of my parking spot as my husband answered, just as I looked in my review mirror I seen him watching me as I pulled away.... "Hi baby" I responded to my husbands raspy sleepy voice on the other end...
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I'm glowing this morning like a freshly fucked hot wife.
I met my first "date" last night. We will call him John for the sake of privacy. John an I have been chatting for just about a week now. He sent me a message on AshleyMadison it read as follows-"Hi my name is John. I'm coming to Your town tonight to visit family. If your free maybe we could meet up later tonight. I'm staying at the XXXXXX hotel. My email is email@example.com" so we messaged back and forth. I was unable to make it that night. We chatted and talked,him and my husband talked. My husband told him of our rules, he did allow John the privilege of kissing me, which for us was a hardimit ( I'm glad he did) he was perfectly fine with all our limits. He his background and experiences makes him a perfect for for our situation.
The Morning Of...
We both confided in one another how nervous we were an excited at the same time. We agreed to meet at the hotel bar where he was staying around 7:30 pm have a couple drinks, talk and see how it goes.
I got to the bar about an hour before him. I planned it that way so I would have time to drink some liquid courage an relax a bit. It was a nice little bar, mostly locals hanging out. I found a small table against the wall where I could see the room an ordered my first shot of Patron an a Malibu an coke.
Around 7pm I ordered another shot. Btw I didn't have dinner. So this shot went straight to my head. 7:15pm I was feeling much more confidant an I texted John asking him when he was coming! He asked if I was here an I acknowledged that in deed I was.
5 mins later he is standing next to our table. At 6 foot plus, He was towering over me at only 5'4. He smelled so good I could smell him even before He touched him. He leaned down an hugged me. We embraced, pulled back slightly and gave each other a soft hello kiss. Silently thanking my husband for lifting the kissing ban, he asked if I wanted anything from the bar while he went to get his own drink. I declined and watched him walk away. Dressed in a tshirt, jeans and as he called them his Jesus flip flips. He was a sight. Broad shoulders an arms which I found out later are 21 inches! I admit I have a attraction to men with muscular arms. Not so big they walk funny. But nice arms. I sat there feeling like I had hit the jackpot as I watched him lean against the bar to place his order.
He came back drink in hand sat down and we started to chat. He reminds me of my husband in the since that he can ramble on about anything. Haha one of the many things I love about my husband. John and I chatted for a little while before the DJ was back at the table trying to get me to sing. He kept saying it's the easiest song, of course it was. He was talking about the song "tequila" John seen the angist in my face and took the mic. The Dj went back to his table a an we sat and laughed. The song was over an we still had the mic. So John starts addressing him across the mic. He finally came back and took the mic from us. The couple at the bar who came in earlier came over a a started chatting our faces off. She kept insisting for me to sing with her. I politely declined. I told her I did need to potty. Like women do we went to the bathroom. When we came back out John was still talking to her husband. We stood around about 30 mins listening to them. Finally the wife wondered off and I'm left listening to these two men conversing over people they know. Next thing I know we are being invited to their house for a BBQ. All I could do was giggle. I wanted to tell him "this is out first meeting and we are just here to fuck and right now your cock blocking me!" I didn't though. I smiled and nodded. Soon I excused myself from the conversation and went to the bar to get our tabs. I cashed us and and returned to the two men. I walked up close to John with his debit card in my hand I gave it to him and asked if he was ready to go. He smiled with relief on his face and we said our good byes and left quickly. As we walked out the doors we both started giggling. He pulled me close and kissed me again with a "question of are you ok with this in his eyes". I smiled an asked where his room was. He asked where I parked and we walked to my car. We got in and drove across the parking lot. I gathered my keys and we got out. He waited for me and took me by the hand and led me to his room...
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
A little back story... My husband an I live a few 1000's of miles apart. Not by choice, we have plans to close the distance. It's just very hard an has many things that need to be handled first. So we both are alone ALOT. I came across an article discussing cockolding an hot wifery. This peeked my interest because it talked about how a woman's orgasam's differ from men. I could so relate to it. No matter how many web cam sessions or phone sex talks we have it's never the same pleasure or same release as when I have a cock in me. A lot of my frustration in our relationship was around that lack of release. A release I can't give myself. As I said in my last post I sent the links to my husband to read. An so the adventure began...
Since the epiphany an discussion we have come to find many places to look for me a play mate. Craigslist, Adult Friend Finder, Zoosk, iHookups, an most recently Ashley Madison.
Most of the men on these sites don't meet my standards, I am a picky bitch. If I'm going to have sex outside of my marriage he needs to be the best he can be. Because my husband is the best there is. He is my everything, he pleasures me in ways I know no man will ever be able too. But it will be fun trying!
We have found a few an have talked with them about what we expect from them an what I expect from the experience. No one yet I can honestly say I would shave my legs right now for. No one that blew me out of the water an impressed me till today...
Hey everyone...*crickets* ok so Hi honey since your the only one who knows about this blog right now....
There is so much back history as to how we got to this point but I don't want to bore anyone who might read this right now so we will start with 2 weeks ago.....
My husband has always tried to be the dom in the bedroom that I want. He would grab my hair an ask me to suck his cock all while flinching because it's just not him to request such things. He is in charge all day at his work, when he is home he wants to relax an not have to make any more decisions. He is very submissive in the bedroom an at home. I have learned this time an time again over our years together. I can switch, I can be submissive or domme. I really can be either, but I like a man who can take control in the bedroom. I explained to my honey about the cuckold lifestyle, gave him a few links to read.