I'm sitting at a bar alone trying to drown my thoughts and I can't. They keep going back to them. What are they doing? What are they talking about? It's been almost 4 fucking hours for god sake! I have reached out to everyone I know to try and find something some sorta comfort. I can't. This is my husband. I treasure him. I love him so much. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. He makes me feel like no one ever has. Yes he fucks up. So do I. But I want him. I only want him. I want my husband home with me. I need him in Cali. I need him with me. I need him to make me whole. I don't know what to do right now. I want to call him screaming!! Ugh I hope he ends this date soon. I can't stand this. I feel like a failure as a wife. Wtf was I thinking! Thinking this was a good idea?!? I can't do this! After this it's done. I can't.